It’s not an easy decision to place your parents or family members in a nursing home. You’re often filled with many conflicting emotions – guilt, anger, fear, etc. And, these emotions make us rush to a poor decision and make mistakes when deciding which assisted living community to place your loved one.
Grown children and other family members panic and rush into a decision for elderly care. Nursing home decisions should be on the same level as topics such as where to send our children to college, which neighborhood to buy a house in, and what career to pursue.
We study these life-impacting decisions meticulously. And, we need to research nursing homes for our loved ones with the same gusto.
There are a lot of factors that go into picking the right retirement home and a lot of mistakes you can make in the process. You don’t want to make the decision without thinking it through.
Here are ten mistakes that people often make when finding the right nursing home or assisted living facility for their loved ones. Don’t make these mistakes.
1. Making a Decision Too Quickly
One of the biggest mistakes that families make when placing their loved ones in a nursing home is to make a snap decision. Often, things have deteriorated quickly with your family member’s health. You need to make a decision and think that you have to opt for one of the first facilities that you come across.
You should consider visiting several different retirement communities or nursing homes before you make a final decision. Check out facilities during scheduled and unscheduled visits to get a feel for the location, its staff, and the amenities at all hours of the day if possible.
2. Only Looking at the Closest Community
You shouldn’t only consider a nursing home that is closest to you or your parents. Look at several different options in your state or even out of state. While going to a different town may be a little bit of a burden to visit your parents, your assisted living options in your city may be more expensive, not provide the best care, or lacking amenities.
3. Not being Realistic about Your Loved Ones’ Future Needs
It’s hard to find the right nursing home for your loved one because you have to look into the future. You should consider, not just how your parents are right now, but also the kind of care they will need four or five years from now.
Is the assisted living facility that you’re considering adequate if their health takes a turn for the worse? Will you ultimately have to move your loved ones again into a new home? Finding a home that’s a great fit for the first six months only to find out that it’s not as good as your parents grow older and can care less for themselves is difficult.
4. Not Talking About It as a Family
More often than not, one family member takes on a greater amount of the burden when parents move to an assisted living facility. One sibling may live closer and ultimately take up a larger role in the decision-making. Consider including all of your siblings and discuss the decision. Try to share the burden and not let one sibling take on more of the load simply because they’re closer.
5. The Other Residents Aren’t a Good Fit
If you have the opportunity, you and your parents should make sure that the retirement home is a good fit, not only with amenities but also with other residents. You should try to spend a day at the facility to get a feel for its environment, culture, activities, and other residents’ interactions with each other. Could you see your parents living and interacting with the other residents?
6. Going For Luxury Settings Instead of Good Care
Luxury senior living does not necessarily equate to quality senior care. When my grandfather’s health was failing, and he couldn’t live alone anymore, my family decided to place him in a retirement community. We found a beautiful facility with a lot of amenities. But, we didn’t consider the quality of healthcare the residence provided.
After a few months, my grandfather’s health deteriorated more, and it was apparent to the family that he couldn’t stay in the beautiful retirement home with poor healthcare.
7. Not Looking at Community Backgrounds
Like searching for a doctor and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you should check the backgrounds of the retirement communities you are considering. You can find background information and a list of formal complaints against a facility at your local Long-Term Care Ombudsman. Search for your city and state’s Long-Term Care Ombudsman at http://www.eldercare.gov.
8. Not Considering for Your Parents Taste
Your parents have to live there, not you. It doesn’t always matter what you want. One of the mistakes that children make is picking a retirement home or community that they like. You have to look at it from your parents’ point of view. Will they like the facility? Does the home offer activities that they enjoy?
9. Not Considering Who Your Parent Is Now
We all have visions of our parents in our heads. We know what they have done in their lives. We know what they liked to do as we watched them while we grew up.
But, is that the same today? Is that still a reality? We may be surprised to realize that we do not know our parents as well now that they have gotten older. They probably aren’t into the same activities, pastimes, and hobbies that they once enjoyed.
10. Not Letting Your Wishes Be Known Ahead of Time
The biggest mistake that our parents and loved ones are making is not letting their children know their wishes ahead of time. And, shame on us children for not ask the tough questions. We owe it to our parents to have realistic discussions on where they want to spend their golden years.
By having the tough discussion on senior care and retirement home options, you can save yourself and your family a lot of pain and anguish. You don’t have to rush into a poor decision with a nursing home that isn’t the perfect fit for your loved ones if you make plans ahead of time.
Parents should visit long-term care facilities and nursing homes by themselves. They shouldn’t leave the decision for their children to fight it out. You should make a will, prepare a power of attorney, and have a healthcare power of attorney or healthcare proxy created by a lawyer before you need them.
Finding the perfect nursing home is a lot like finding a great college for your children or the right neighborhood when you are purchasing a house. Deciding on a retirement community is not something that you and your family should take lightly. It has to be the right fit for your parents and loved ones.
Avoid making these mistakes when looking for a nursing home. Being prepared before you need to make a decision can help you from rushing to failure with a facility that isn’t the perfect fit.
Did I miss any? What are some other mistakes that you’ve seen or that your family has made themselves in finding a great nursing home for you family members?
